as i go into 2009

as i go into 2009

i have realized that i need to regroup

retrace my steps

reconnect with my true friends

who are few

i will no longer long to be accepted into

circles where i do not fit

and am not wanted

i must stop wasting my hopes & invitations

on so-called colleagues & supporters

who don't show up

i will no longer wait

to lose this weight

really feel comfortable in my skin

i must unfetter

my spirit

my soul

i want to

plan to flirt

date

laugh

fuck

make love

maybe even be in a relationship

i'm going to always stay connected

with the real true friends

with whom i have been blessed

hold them close to my soul

defeat distance, space and time

those on this plain with me:

allen, wesley, gerard, rodryck, raquel, michael, bobby, alton, nere, makeda

and the ones who have left me:

jaysane, richard...roger, where are you?

i am going to open my heart

let light in and out

open my mouth

sing, laugh, cry, speak

pick up my pen

write it

tell it

talk di tings

i am going to

"be bold, extraordinary & unapologetically successful. live out loud, laugh a lot, love fiercely & dance often!"

(c) fabian m. thomas