as i go into 2009

as i go into 2009
i have realized that i need to regroup
retrace my steps
reconnect with my true friends
who are few
i will no longer long to be accepted into
circles where i do not fit
and am not wanted
i must stop wasting my hopes & invitations
on so-called colleagues & supporters
who don't show up

i will no longer wait
to lose this weight
really feel comfortable in my skin
i must unfetter
my spirit
my soul
i want to
plan to flirt
date
laugh
fuck
make love
maybe even be in a relationship

i'm going to always stay connected
with the real true friends
with whom i have been blessed
hold them close to my soul
defeat distance, space and time
those on this plain with me:
allen, wesley, gerard, rodryck, raquel, michael, bobby, alton, nere, makeda, jacqui
and the ones who have left me:
jaysane, richard...roger, where are you?

i am going to open my heart
let light and love in and out
open my mouth
sing, laugh, cry, speak
pick up my pen
write it
tell it
talk di tings

i am going to
"be bold, extraordinary & unapologetically successful. live out loud, laugh a lot, love fiercely & dance often!"
(c) fabian m. thomas