RETREAT

RETREAT

Recently
I realized
That I have retreated
Retreated into myself
Sought refuge
And solace
In the folds
Of my own flesh
Ever expanding
Caverns for me to
Hide in

I have become invisible
Invisible
An irony
Since there is so much
Of me to see
But believe me
I am invisible
Untraceable
Undetectable
To the radars
Of desirability
Dateability
Sexiness


I have moved into
The house of loneliness
Taken tenancy in one
Of it’s many rooms
Isolation
Has seeped into my skin
Poured into my pores
Coloured my complexion
Smothered my smile
Hardened like calcium
Under my nails
But understand this

I remain social
Sociable
I vary my void
With activity
Wafts of warmth
Flickers of friendship
Sparks of sex
Iotas of inclusion
That alleviate
Ameliorate
Appease
Anoint
Then….fade

Fade to…..

Segue into a new frame
I want to escape
I have given notice
To isolation
Stopped paying
Loneliness’ rent
I will emerge
From the recesses
Of self-induced
Retreat
I am going to love
My body
Reshape it
For me
In my own time
And love it
Love hard and strong
Fuck a six-pack
Happiness
And thinness
Are not synonyms

I will rejoice
Revel
In my being
My body
I’m going to
Flirt
Date
Fuck
Make love
Maybe even
Fall in love
Affirm that I deserve
To be loved
I will only share
My heart with those who
Want and deserve this gift

‘cause baby I am a gift
My kisses come from my soul
Deep and long and bold
I believe in the power
Of love
The joy of sex
If I give you some
You will be blessed
And I expect to be blessed as well
I believe that making love
Having sex
Is about us
Not me or you
And yes if I come first
I’ll do my best
To ensure that you come too

Loneliness be damned
Isolation left behind
No more self-loathing
I am escaping
To limitless possibilities
Unmitigated joy
Love unequivocal
Peace indestructible
Freedom unfettered….



Fabian Thomas
January 16, 2009